What Stops You From Asking for Help?

Rita Thompson, NBC-HWC

National Board and Mayo Clinic-certified Health and Wellness Coach

What is it about asking for help that can seem so challenging? It’s hard to ask for help because we tend to have a handful of reasons why we think it’s better not to. See if these sound familiar:

I don’t want to bother the other person.
I'll be burdening them.
It’s not that bad.
I can do it on my own
They won’t understand.
They won’t want to help.

By not asking for help when you need it, you might be creating a sense of social isolation and loneliness. 

Loneliness is the feeling of being alone, regardless of how many people you have around you. It’s a measure of how candid and authentic your social  interactions are. Psychologists and social neuroscientists often refer to loneliness as painful isolation. 

If you are struggling and not asking for the support of others, reconsider. You might be positioning yourself to feel loneliness, regardless of how regularly you see family and friends.

Feel stuck on how to overcome the emotional noise of asking for help? Consider the following tools to get the conversations started.

1. “I’m wondering if you have the bandwidth for…”
   This would conquer any concern you have that you are asking for too much.
   
   
2. Being specific with the ask.  For example, "Would you be willing to give me a check-in call tomorrow afternoon?" 
   Feeling supported doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Think small. Don’t wait until you are in crisis. What little thing could they take off your plate?
   
   
3. "I’m feeling uncomfortable about asking this, but…"
   Name your feeling and share it with the person. This might take the pressure off the part of you that doesn’t feel comfortable asking.
   
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   Everyone needs help at times. If you are willing to help out those you love, you can be sure they want to support you too. It gives your loved ones a sense of purpose and makes the relationship reciplical. ​​